From 58610e4b15b33148862615e863dbc08631ead33a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: hwp <you@example.com>
Date: Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:02:55 -0500
Subject: [PATCH] initial proofreading of the new cards passages

---
 game/overworld-plains/loc-estate/cards.twee | 228 ++++++++++++--------
 1 file changed, 143 insertions(+), 85 deletions(-)

diff --git a/game/overworld-plains/loc-estate/cards.twee b/game/overworld-plains/loc-estate/cards.twee
index b279043a56..c5aecf9fb0 100644
--- a/game/overworld-plains/loc-estate/cards.twee
+++ b/game/overworld-plains/loc-estate/cards.twee
@@ -1710,40 +1710,56 @@ Your lips part as the <<person>> pushes your face against <<his>> <<print $NPCLi
 
 :: Estate Cards Oral Penis Cumslut
 <<effects>>
-	<<if $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penissize lte 1 >>
-			Your eagerly get ready to suck on the goon's cock, but you soon discover the <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> barely limping out of the pelvis of this <<person>>.
-			<br><br>
-			<<if $submissive lte 850>>
-					You <<oraltext>> try to suck it. 
-					<br><br>
-					After a couple minutes of licking, the goon twitches and <span class="lewd">ejaculates a string of semen that you rinse for a second in your mouth before swallowing</span> and moving on. 
-			<<else>>
-					You do your best to satisfy <<him>>, <<oraltext>> sucking and licking <<his>> <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> even if it's hard to keep it in your mouth.
-					<br><br>
-					After a while, the goon groans and you push your mouth, making choking noises. The <<person>> cums on your tongue. <span class="lewd">You swallow</span>. "Thank you, that was very nice" you say before moving on.
-			<</if>>
-			<<oralstat>>
-			<<ejacstat>>
-			<<oralejacstat>>
-			<<set $player.bodyliquid.mouth.semen += 1>>
+<<set $_penisdesc to $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>>
+<<if $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penissize lte 1 >>
+	You eagerly prepare to suck on the goon's cock, but you soon discover the $_penisdesc barely limping out of the pelvis of this <<person>>.
+	<br><br>
+	<<if $submissive lte 850>>
+		You <<oraltext>> try to suck it. 
+		<br><br>
+		After a couple minutes of licking,
+		the goon twitches and ejaculates a string of semen that you swirl around in your mouth for a second before swallowing it and moving on. 
 	<<else>>
-<<switch $estate.cards.oral>>
+		You do your best to satisfy <<him>>, <<oraltext>> sucking and licking <<his>> $_penisdesc even if it's hard to keep it in your mouth.
+		<br><br>
+		After a while, the goon groans and you push your mouth on it, making choking noises. The <<person>> cums on your tongue.
+		<span class="lewd">You swallow</span>. "Thank you, that was very nice," you say before moving on.
+	<</if>>
+	<<oralstat>>
+	<<ejacstat>>
+	<<oralejacstat>>
+	<<set $player.bodyliquid.mouth.semen += 1>>
+<<else>>
+	<<switch $estate.cards.oral>>
 	<<case 2>>
-		You eagerly engulf the <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> with your mouth,  <<oraltext>> deepthroating as it grows hard. 
-			<br><br>
-		Suddenly, the <<person>> firmly grasps the back of your head <span class="red">forcing <<his>> <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> hard down your throat.</span> <span class="pink">Tears start running down your face</span>. To the great amusement of the goons, <span class="pink">your body spasms involuntarily from the lack of air,</span> shaking the table and the cards on it. 
-			<br><br>
-		Seeing that you might pass out, you have the <span class="blue"> idea of massaging the <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> through the front of your neck.</span> "Ha, ha. Look at this, this slut is trying to jerk me off through its neck!". 
+		You eagerly engulf the $_penisdesc with your mouth, <<oraltext>> deepthroating as it grows hard. 
+		<br><br>
+
+		Suddenly, the <<person>> firmly grasps the back of your head <span class="red">forcing <<his>> $_penisdesc hard down your throat.</span>
+		<span class="pink">Tears start running down your face</span>.
+		To the great amusement of the goons, <span class="pink">your body spasms involuntarily from the lack of air,</span> shaking the table and the cards on it. 
 		<br><br>
-		Finally, the <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> starts throbbing. "Swallow it all. I don't want to see a drop of it when I take it out", <<he>> says as the grip on your head becomes harder and a <span class="lewd">warm thick stream of semen fills your throat.</span>
+
+		Seeing that you might pass out, you have the <span class="blue">idea of massaging the $_penisdesc through the front of your neck.</span>
+		"Ha, ha. Look at this, this slut is trying to jerk me off through <<his>> neck!"
 		<br><br>
-		"Now hold it for a while." The goon keeps <<his>> phallus deep in your throat long after it's done ejaculating. Soon you feel it become increasingly softer. Eventually, you are able to catch a stream of breath through your nose. "Very well done", says the <<person>> as <<he>> pats you in the head and releases <<his>> grip.
+
+		Finally, the $_penisdesc starts throbbing.
+		"Swallow it all. I don't want to see a drop of it when I take it out,"
+		<<he>> says as the grip on your head becomes harder and a <span class="lewd">warm thick stream of semen fills your throat.</span>
 		<br><br>
+
+		"Now hold it for a while." The goon keeps <<his>> phallus deep in your throat long after it's done ejaculating.
+		Soon you feel it become increasingly softer. Eventually, you are able to catch a stream of breath through your nose.
+		"Very well done," says the <<person>> as <<he>> pats you in the head and releases <<his>> grip.
+		<br><br>
+
 		<<if $submissive lte 850>>
-				You dry the tears in your face, hardly hiding that you <span class="green">feel horny and proud about how you managed the predicament</span>.
-			<<else>>
-				"Th... Thank you very much, sir", you say with the first words that you can utter once you are sure that you <span class="green">managed to fully swallow all the cum.</span>
-				<</if>>
+			You dry the tears in your face, hardly hiding that you <span class="green">feel horny and proud about how you managed the predicament</span>.
+		<<else>>
+			"Th... Thank you very much, sir,"
+			you say with the first words that you can utter once you are sure that you <span class="green">managed to fully swallow all the cum.</span>
+		<</if>>
 		<<arousal 600>><<garousal>><<lstress>><<stress -5>>
 		<<oralstat>>
 		<<ejacstat>>
@@ -1751,20 +1767,37 @@ Your lips part as the <<person>> pushes your face against <<his>> <<print $NPCLi
 		<<set $hygiene += 500>>
 		<<set $player.bodyliquid.mouth.semen += 1>>
 	<<case 3>>
-	The second goon's <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> is readily erect for you to suck as soon as you turn to it. You <<oraltext>> work the phallus with your mouth for a while, while they play cards. 
-			<br><br>
-			Right as the <<person>> starts twitching, you pull the <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> from your mouth. You <span class="lewd">let the massive spurt of sperm unload right in the middle of your forehead</span> while you <<handtext>> milk it with your hand. 
-			<br><br>
-			"Come up here, I want to see this", orders the <<person>>. You emerge from under the table as <span class="lewd"> two thick streams of semen slowly come running down each side of your nose </span>. "You really are enjoying this, aren't you?". "Here, look here". One of the goons points a phone at you. "Smile a little, come on. People ought to know what a cumslut you are".
-			<br><br>
-			<<if $submissive lte 850>>
-				Your eyes water and you refuse to smile. But as the streams of cum reach the sides of your mouth, you can't resist to <span class="lewd"> provocatively push your tonge out and lick some of the spunk around your lips.</span> "We knew it! You can't help yourself!".
-			<<else>>
-				<span class="lewd">You gleefully make a big smile for the camera. This diverts the two streams of semen straight into your mouth.</span> "Ah, that is just perfect" says one of the goons as more of them join taking more pictures with their phones.
-			<</if>>
-			<br><br>
-		You pose some more, <span class="green">toying with the cum and letting them capture videos of you swallowing</span>. "Man, this is fucking hot. I'm sharing this with everyone," you hear one say. 
+		The second goon's $_penisdesc is readily erect for you to suck as soon as you turn to it.
+		You <<oraltext>> work the phallus with your mouth for a while, while they play cards. 
+		<br><br>
+		
+		Right as the <<person>> starts twitching, you pull the $_penisdesc from your mouth.
+		You <span class="lewd">let the massive spurt of sperm unload right in the middle of your forehead</span> while you <<handtext>> milk it with your hand. 
+		<br><br>
+		
+		"Come up here, I want to see this," orders the <<person>>.
+		You emerge from under the table as <span class="lewd"> two thick streams of semen slowly come running down each side of your nose </span>.
+		"You really are enjoying this, aren't you?"
+		<br><br>
+		
+		"Here, look here." One of the goons points a phone at you. "Smile a little, come on. People ought to know what a cumslut you are."
+		<br><br>
+
+		<<if $submissive lte 850>>
+			Your eyes water and you refuse to smile.
+			But as the streams of cum reach the sides of your mouth, you can't resist the urge to
+			<span class="lewd">provocatively push your tongue out and lick some of the spunk around your lips.</span>
+			"We knew it! You can't help yourself!"
+		<<else>>
+			<span class="lewd">You gleefully make a big smile for the camera. This diverts the two streams of semen straight into your mouth.</span>
+			"Ah, that is just perfect" says one of the goons as more of them join taking more pictures with their phones.
+		<</if>>
+		<br><br>
+
+		You pose some more, <span class="green">toying with the cum and letting them capture videos of you swallowing</span>.
+		"Man, this is fucking hot. I'm sharing this with everyone," you hear one say. 
 		<br><br>
+
 		After a bit the goons instruct you to go back under the table. Some of them are still waiting to be satisfied as agreed.
 		<<famesex 2>>
 		<<oralstat>>
@@ -1775,11 +1808,15 @@ Your lips part as the <<person>> pushes your face against <<his>> <<print $NPCLi
 		<<set $hygiene += 500>>
 		<<arousal 600>><<garousal>><<lstress>><<stress -5>>
 	<<case 4>>
-	  You start sucking the <<person>> <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>>. At a certain point, <<he>> looks down and says "What a nice <<print $haircolour>> hair you've got. How would you like it to be more shiny?".
+		You start sucking the <<persons>> $_penisdesc. Eventually, <<he>> looks down and says
+		"What nice <<haircolourtext>> hair you've got. How would you like it to be more shiny?"
 		<br><br>
-		<<He>> pushes your mouth away and <span class="lewd">repeatedly whips you on your head with <<his>> <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> before ejaculating right on your scalp.</span> "Here, here's something to soap it, go ahead". 
+
+		<<He>> pushes your mouth away and <span class="lewd">repeatedly whips you on the head with <<his>> $_penisdesc before ejaculating right on your scalp.</span>
+		"Here, here's something to soap it with, go ahead."
 		<br><br>
-		He looks delighted as <span class="lewd">you spread <<his>> load all over your <<print $hairtype>></span>. 
+
+		<<He>> looks delighted as <span class="lewd">you spread <<his>> load all over your <<haircolourtext>> hair</span>. 
 		<<oralstat>>
 		<<hairejacstat>>
 		<<ejacstat>>
@@ -1787,15 +1824,21 @@ Your lips part as the <<person>> pushes your face against <<his>> <<print $NPCLi
 		<<set $hygiene += 500>>
 		<<arousal 600>><<garousal>><<lstress>><<stress -5>>
 	<<case 5>>
-		The fourth goon's <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>> is all hard and pulsating as soon as you turn to it. 
+		The fourth goon's $_penisdesc is all hard and pulsating as soon as you turn to it. 
 		<br><br>
-		"Aah, aah..." twitches the goon; and without much warning it <span class="lewd">bursts semen over your body and everywhere under the table.</span> The <<person>> looks at you kneeling between <<his>> thighs, both of you wide-eyed gazing at each other. 
+
+		"Aah, aah..." twitches the goon; and without much warning it <span class="lewd">bursts semen over your body and everywhere under the table.</span>
+		The <<person>> looks at you kneeling between <<his>> thighs, both of you wide-eyed gazing at each other. 
 		<br><br>
+
 		<<if $submissive lte 850>>
-				<span class=green>"Wow, that was quick!" you exclaim out loudly with a restrained laugh.</span> The rest of the goons, becoming aware of what just happened burst into laughter, poking fun at the goon's quick gun. The <<person>>, embarrassed and red-faced, utters: "Fucking bitch, I'd slap that smug out of your face if it wasn't covered in jizz". 
-			<<else>>
-				"I'm sorry sir, I might have been a little too eager" you whisper to the goon. <span class="lewd">You pretend to suck on his limp dick while rubbing the semen over your neck and <<breasts>>.</span>
-			<</if>>
+			<span class=green>"Wow, that was quick!" you exclaim out loudly with a restrained laugh.</span>
+			The rest of the goons, becoming aware of what just happened burst into laughter, start poking fun at the goon's quick gun.
+			The <<person>>, embarrassed and red-faced, utters: "Fucking bitch, I'd slap that smug look off your face if it wasn't covered in jizz." 
+		<<else>>
+			"I'm sorry <<sir>>, I might have been a little too eager," you whisper to the goon.
+			<span class="lewd">You pretend to suck on <<his>> limp dick while rubbing the semen over your neck and <<breasts>>.</span>
+		<</if>>
 		<<neckejacstat>>
 		<<chestejacstat>>
 		<<ejacstat>>
@@ -1804,26 +1847,39 @@ Your lips part as the <<person>> pushes your face against <<his>> <<print $NPCLi
 		<<set $hygiene += 500>>
 		<<arousal 600>><<garousal>><<lstress>><<stress -5>>
 	<<case 6>>
-		You begin sucking the <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>>. It is the last one remaining. Your jaw is hurting a little.
+		You begin sucking the $_penisdesc. It is the last one remaining. Your jaw is hurting a little.
 		<br><br>
-		After a short while, the man twitches and you feel the <span class="lewd">hard cock pulsating in your mouth.</span> "Oh boy, this has been building up for quite some time" the <<person>> says as <span class="pink">he firmly holds your head with both hands and starts furiously thrusting.</span> 
+
+		After a short while, the <<man>> twitches and you feel the <span class="lewd">hard cock pulsating in your mouth.</span>
+		"Oh boy, this has been building up for quite some time,"
+		the <<person>> says as <<he>> holds your head firmly with both hands and starts furiously thrusting.
 		<br><br>
-		The first spurt is so awfully large and so viciously pushed down your throat that it <span class="lewd">chokes you and comes bursting down your nose.</span> It becomes impossible to keep in all the cum being pumped in your mouth with your lips sealed around the pushing <<print $NPCList[($estate.cards.oral - 1)].penisdesc>>. With every shove, you<span class="lewd"> keep drooling semen all over your body.</span>
+
+		The first spurt is so awfully large and so viciously pushed down your throat that it <span class="lewd">chokes you and comes bursting out your nose.</span>
+		It becomes impossible to keep in all the cum being pumped in your mouth with your lips sealed around the $_penisdesc.
+		With every shove, you <span class="lewd">keep drooling semen all over your body.</span>
 		<br><br>
-		"Ah fuck, look at this fucking slut", the goon says once <<he>>'s done pumping you. The game going on on the table has stopped. Everyone is staring at you, the kneeling cum-covered mess with <<lewdness>> trying to catch a breath. 
+
+		"Ah fuck, look at this fucking slut," the goon says once <<he>>'s done pumping you.
+		The game being played on the table has stopped. Everyone is staring at you, the kneeling cum-covered mess with the <<lewdness>> trying to catch their breath. 
 		<br><br>
-		With white strings still dangling from your chin and all eyes on you, <span class="green"> you smile and take a bow and the room erupts in cheers.</span>
+
+		With white strings still dangling from your chin and all eyes on you, <span class="green">you smile and take a bow, and the room erupts in cheers.</span>
 		<br><br>
-		"Hey, you are not going anywhere until you clean all this shit. We're not touching any of that", Wren says pointing at the floor under the table. 
+
+		"Hey, you are not going anywhere until you clean all this shit up. We're not touching any of that," Wren says, pointing at the floor under the table. 
 		<br><br>
+
 		<<if $submissive lte 850>>
-				Still kneeling, you collect the cold semen lying on the floor and <span class="lewd">rub it all over your torso.</span>
-		<<set $player.bodyliquid.leftarm.semen += 1>>
-		<<set $player.bodyliquid.rightarm.semen += 1>>
-			<<else>>
-				You get on all fours to <span class="lewd">lick clean all the cold semen lying on the floor.</span> "Godness <<girl>>, don't you ever have enough?", one asks while you lick <<his>> shoes. "No, sir. It's just too tasty and the smell of it soothes me", you answer before <span class="lewd">swallowing the last of it.</span>
-		<<set $player.bodyliquid.mouth.semen += 2>>
-			<</if>>
+			Still kneeling, you collect the cold semen lying on the floor and <span class="lewd">rub it all over your torso.</span>
+			<<set $player.bodyliquid.leftarm.semen += 1>>
+			<<set $player.bodyliquid.rightarm.semen += 1>>
+		<<else>>
+			You get on all fours to <span class="lewd">lick clean all the cold semen lying on the floor.</span>
+			"Goodness <<girl>>, you still haven't had enough?" one asks while you lick <<his>> shoes.
+			"No, sir. It's just too tasty and the smell of it soothes me," you answer before <span class="lewd">swallowing the last of it.</span>
+			<<set $player.bodyliquid.mouth.semen += 2>>
+		<</if>>
 
 		<<chestejacstat>>
 		<<tummyejacstat>>
@@ -1835,11 +1891,12 @@ Your lips part as the <<person>> pushes your face against <<his>> <<print $NPCLi
 		<<set $hygiene += 1000>>
 		<<arousal 600>><<garousal>><<lstress>><<stress -5>>
 
-<</switch>>
+	<</switch>>
 	<br><br>
 
 <</if>>
 <br><br>
+
 <<set $estate.cards.oral += 1>>
 <<if $arousal gte $arousalmax>>
 	<<link [[Next|Estate Cards Oral Cumslut Orgasm]]>><</link>>
@@ -1849,24 +1906,25 @@ Your lips part as the <<person>> pushes your face against <<his>> <<print $NPCLi
 <br>
 
 :: Estate Cards Oral Cumslut Orgasm
-	Suddenly, the arousal from seeing yourself covered in jizz becomes overwhelming. Your abs and thighs squeeze as a <span class="lewd">massive orgasm builds up.</span> 
-	<br><br>
-	The <<person>> notices: "Hey <<girl>>, are you really going to orgasm from just being cummed on?" 
-	<br><br>
-	<<if $submissive lte 850>>
-		"Fuck... this is too much...", 
-	<<else>>
-		"I'm so s-s-sorry, a-apologies", 
-	<</if>>
-	you say while <span class="lewd">you spread your knees as wide as they will go</span> in an attempt to keep your balance. 
-	<br><br>
-	The goons cheer. <span class="red">A swarm of smartphones surround you.</span> They record videos of you moaning and uncontrollably shaking while orgasming under the blackjack table.
-	<br><br>
-		<<orgasm>>
-		<<famesex 4>>
+Suddenly, the arousal from seeing yourself covered in jizz becomes overwhelming. Your abs and thighs squeeze as a <span class="lewd">massive orgasm builds up.</span> 
+<br><br>
+The <<person>> notices: "Hey <<girl>>, are you really going to orgasm from just being cummed on?" 
+<br><br>
+<<if $submissive lte 850>>
+	"Fuck... this is too much..." 
+<<else>>
+	"I'm so s-s-sorry, a-apologies," 
+<</if>>
+you say while you spread your knees as wide as they will go in an attempt to keep your balance. 
+<br><br>
+The goons cheer. <span class="red">A swarm of smartphones surround you.</span>
+They record videos of you moaning and uncontrollably shaking while orgasming under the blackjack table.
+<br><br>
+<<orgasm>>
+<<famesex 4>>
 
-		<br><br>
-		<<link [[Next|Estate Cards Oral 2]]>><</link>>
+<br><br>
+<<link [[Next|Estate Cards Oral 2]]>><</link>>
 
 :: Estate Cards Oral Vagina 2
 <<effects>>
@@ -1896,12 +1954,12 @@ You walk outside. A breeze makes you shiver.
 :: Estate Cards Orgasm
 <<effects>>
 
-
-
 <<if $estate.cards.position is "wren_lap" or $estate.cards.position is "vaginal" or $estate.cards.position is "anal">>
-	<<He>> keeps <<his>> hands firm on your hips as <<he>> reclines in the chair, still panting. <<He>> releases <<his>> grasp. "Not bad," <<he>> admits, pushing you off <<his>> lap. "The game's over. I hope you got what you came for."
+	<<He>> keeps <<his>> hands firm on your hips as <<he>> reclines in the chair, still panting.
+	<<He>> releases <<his>> grasp. "Not bad," <<he>> admits, pushing you off <<his>> lap. "The game's over. I hope you got what you came for."
 <<else>>
-	<<He>> keeps <<his>> arms locked around your chest as <<he>> pants against you. <<He>> pulls away, looking tired. "Not bad," <<he>> admits, swinging <<his>> leg off you. "The game's over. I hope you got what you came for."
+	<<He>> keeps <<his>> arms locked around your chest as <<he>> pants against you. <<He>> pulls away, looking tired.
+	"Not bad," <<he>> admits, swinging <<his>> leg off you. "The game's over. I hope you got what you came for."
 <</if>>
 <br><br>
 <<cards_naked_end>>
-- 
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