diff --git a/src/facilities/nursery/reports/childrenReport.js b/src/facilities/nursery/reports/childrenReport.js
index 03dd0caccf081372948c617bdd7793a1392debea..2d67d1ffc4a3f3ad2e67da4b98447ce04812aa01 100644
--- a/src/facilities/nursery/reports/childrenReport.js
+++ b/src/facilities/nursery/reports/childrenReport.js
@@ -17,25 +17,25 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 
 		if (child.actualAge >= 3) {
 			if (Matron) {
-				r.push(matronFetishEffects());
-				r.push(matronEducationEffects());
-				r.push(matronFitnessEffects());
+				r.push(matronFetishEffects(child));
+				r.push(matronEducationEffects(child));
+				r.push(matronFitnessEffects(child));
 			}
 
 			if (nannies) {
-				r.push(nannyEducationEffects());
-				r.push(nannyFitnessEffects());
-				r.push(nannyFetishEffects());
+				r.push(nannyEducationEffects(child));
+				r.push(nannyFitnessEffects(child));
+				r.push(nannyFetishEffects(child));
 			}
 
 			if (CL > 1) {
-				r.push(childFriendshipRivalries());
+				r.push(childFriendshipRivalries(child));
 			}
 
 			// TODO: rework these entirely
 			if (Matron || nannies) {
-				r.push(weightRulesEffects());
-				r.push(musclesRulesEffects());
+				r.push(weightRulesEffects(child));
+				r.push(musclesRulesEffects(child));
 			}
 		} else {
 			// TODO:
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 
 	// MARK: Matron Effects
 
-	function matronFetishEffects() {
+	function matronFetishEffects(child) {
 		const
 			{ He } = getPronouns(child),
 			chance = jsRandom(1, 100);
@@ -68,33 +68,33 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 		}
 	}
 
-	function matronEducationEffects() {
+	function matronEducationEffects(child) {
 		// TODO: expand this
 		const
-			{ he2, him2, his2 } = getPronouns(Matron).appendSuffix('2'),
+			{ he, him, his } = getPronouns(Matron),
 
 			theChildren = CL > 1 ? `the children` : `${child.slaveName}`;
 
 		if (Matron.intelligence + Matron.intelligenceImplant > 65) {
 			child.intelligenceImplant += 3;
 
-			return `${Matron.slaveName} is so intelligent and well-educated that ${he2} is able to teach ${theChildren} very effectively, and so ${CL > 1 ? `${child.slaveName} gradually grows` : `they gradually grow`} smarter. `;
+			return `${Matron.slaveName} is so intelligent and well-educated that ${he} is able to teach ${theChildren} very effectively, and so ${CL > 1 ? `they gradually grow` : `${child.slaveName} gradually grows`} smarter. `;
 		} else if (Matron.intelligenceImplant > 30) {
 			child.intelligenceImplant += 2;
 
-			return `${Matron.slaveName}'s education makes up for the fact that ${he2} isn't the brightest and allows ${him2} to teach ${theChildren} quite effectively, and so ${theChildren} grows a bit smarter. `;
+			return `${Matron.slaveName}'s education makes up for the fact that ${he} isn't the brightest and allows ${him} to teach ${theChildren} quite effectively, and so ${CL > 1 ? `they grow` : `${child.slaveName} grows`} a bit smarter. `;
 		} else if (Matron.intelligence > 50) {
 			child.intelligenceImplant += 2;
 
-			return `Though ${Matron.slaveName} has had little to no formal education, ${his2} natural brilliance allows ${him2} to teach ${theChildren} quite effectively, and so ${CL > 1 ? `${child.slaveName} grows` : `they grow`} a bit smarter. `;
+			return `Though ${Matron.slaveName} has had little to no formal education, ${his} natural brilliance allows ${him} to teach ${theChildren} quite effectively, and so ${CL > 1 ? `they grow` : `${child.slaveName} grows`} a bit smarter. `;
 		} else {
 			child.intelligenceImplant++;
 
-			return `${Matron.slaveName} isn't the brightest and is only somewhat effective at teaching ${theChildren}, so ${CL > 1 ? `${child.slaveName} grows` : `they grow`} just a little bit smarter. `;
+			return `${Matron.slaveName} isn't the brightest and is only somewhat effective at teaching ${theChildren}, so ${CL > 1 ? `they grow` : `${child.slaveName} grows`} just a little bit smarter. `;
 		}
 	}
 
-	function matronFitnessEffects() {
+	function matronFitnessEffects(child) {
 		// TODO:
 		return;
 	}
@@ -103,7 +103,9 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 
 	// MARK: Nanny Effects
 
-	function nannyFetishEffects() {
+	function nannyFetishEffects(child) {
+		const { he } = getPronouns(child);
+
 		for (const slave of nannies) {
 			if (slave.fetish !== "none") {
 				if (chance > 85) {
@@ -123,7 +125,7 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 		}
 	}
 
-	function nannyEducationEffects() {
+	function nannyEducationEffects(child) {
 		// TODO: expand this
 
 		let
@@ -162,7 +164,7 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 		}
 	}
 
-	function nannyFitnessEffects() {
+	function nannyFitnessEffects(child) {
 		// TODO:
 		return;
 	}
@@ -171,7 +173,7 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 
 	// MARK: Nursery Rules Effects
 
-	function weightRulesEffects() {
+	function weightRulesEffects(child) {
 		let r = [];
 
 		if (V.nurseryWeight) {
@@ -208,7 +210,7 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 		return r.join(' ');
 	}
 
-	function musclesRulesEffects() {
+	function musclesRulesEffects(child) {
 		let r = [];
 
 		// TODO: rewrite these
@@ -281,7 +283,7 @@ App.Facilities.Nursery.childrenReport = function childrenReport() {
 	}
 
 	// TODO: add relation checks
-	function childFriendshipRivalries() {
+	function childFriendshipRivalries(child) {
 		for (const target of V.cribs) {	// alias for second child
 			const
 				chance = jsRandom(1, 100);